Sick and Tired

...of being sick and tired. Bah. I have yet another cold. I get one about every 3 months. Matt said when I first mentioned my scratchy throat, "Where would you have gotten a cold, honey? It's the middle of summer!" To which I replied, "I work in a hospital, and I see about 3 pneumonia patients a week." One of my co-workers said to me this morning that I must be allergic to my job.
I've always been the one to get sick alot. My brother was only out sick a few days his whole school career. I'd be out a few days a year with nastiness. Probably get it from my Grandpa - he was sickly as a child, but to a more severe degree.
I was planning on calling Fine Arts today to make my appointment to audition for "I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change", but I'm nervous to go for a bunch of reasons. "Kiss Me Kate" brought into more significant relief the fact that I don't audition well. So even though I'd be auditioning for Fabio, who I know well, I'm nervous. And even more so now that I'm sick and can't sing to practice. And as much as I've loved performing in the past, I've come to love having my evenings to myself. I get to spend time with friends, get some exercise, cook, watch TV, curl up on my couch, go to bed at 10:30 and pass out around 11. So I just don't know. I'm still thinking about it. I'll decide more concretely on Monday.
Matt thinks I should do it, because I don't seem to know what to do with myself these days. Which is kinda true. He said at dinner last night, either to audition and do a show, or take an aerobics class. Which is also a possibility. I dunno. I think of taking dance, too, because I'm so awkward in my own body sometimes, but most places don't offer beginner's jazz for adults. I'll think about taking a look at the course catalogue for a local community college, see how much it is, and what they're offering.
Anyway, those are my thoughts for today. Now I need to accomplish something at work. Happy Friday to all!

The Chubby Files

It's been awhile since I've written about my Adventures in Jogging, so I thought I'd give the topic another spin. I've kinda fallen off of my workout routine, which tends to happen under stress. For me, exercise is not relaxing, it's not a big stress-reliever. Or, at least, I haven't been able to trick my brain into thinking it is yet. When I'm just under a little stress, jogging is great. I get some fresh air, listen to good music, look at trees - nice. But when I'm under alot of stress (or at least more than a little), jogging doesn't sound relaxing - it just sounds like more work. So I end up leaving my ass print on my couch. And suddenly, there's nothing in the house for dessert ('cause I don't keep it in the house when I'm jogging regularly), and I buy things like cake mix and cream cheese, and ooh! cherries are on sale, how good would homemade cherry cheesecake be?! And the fat girl inside me rejoices, while the healthy girl sighs disappointment at another failure.
I've found the vicious circle, though. I get frustrated with my weight and bad habits, and start exercising regularly. And I do really well for a few weeks. Then something comes up that I fall out of the habit - either something really shitty at work, or any myriad of things that make my couch a comforting emotional oasis. I think "it's a treat to sit and watch TV - I've been so good lately!" Sometimes, the fall is short, and then I'm extra proud that I've gotten back up on the horse so quickly. Sometimes, the fall is longer, and I feel bad, but not motivated to get back on the jogging path. So what do I do to feel better? Treat myself. With food. Oh, it's a butter-based sauce here, a loaf of cinnamon bread there, a cake on the side, what have you. That goes on for a few weeks, and then...
I get frustrated with my weight and bad habits...
The trick is, finding a way to get my brain into the habit of seeing exercise, even during stressful times, as a way to "relax". And, fixing some of my eating habits.
So, enter Weight Watchers (tm). My friend Heather is going to do it with me. That way, I have more people to keep me honest and be supportive and excited that I'm trying. Anyway, my first meeting is tonight, so I'll let you all know what I think and how it goes.

Everything

Hi again.
It's been an insane few weeks. You all know that Matt's Dad passed away on June 21. It's been a hard few weeks. Not that anyone expected it to be easy. But for those of you who have known me since college, you know that when it comes to death and dying, I'm a wreck. My sorority sisters have seen more funerals for parents then we'd like, and they know that I become a complete disaster. I will, however, say that I managed a stiff upper lip most of the time for Matt. He had enough on his plate doing the dutiful son thing without having to feel like he had to be there for me. My whole goal was just to be there for him. Mostly, I fell apart when my parents came in. And for a few moments at the chapel service at the funeral home, and the funeral itself. But I accomplished my goal; I was there for him.
Work has been ok when Kim hasn't tried to make a new home for herself up my ass. 36 days until my vacation!!!
Christina (my little little sorority sister) started a job a few weeks ago with the mental health center I used to work for. For my old boss, and more than likely, with alot of my old clients. I'm really excited for her.
The wedding plans for my brother are moving along. I've been asked to sing for the ceremony, specifically the lighting of the unity candle, but they don't seem excited about the idea. I mean, not that my brother is ever excited about anything that doesn't have to do with his fantasy sports teams, the Republican party, or money, but you'd think he'd care a little about the music for his wedding. I'm starting to think that asking me to sing was Lisa's idea, and that she didn't run it by him before she came to me with it. Whatever. My bridesmaid dress is in; hope it fits and I don't have to get a bunch of alterations.
I took my Dad to an Indian's game last week for his birthday. They played horribly, but we had a great time. It was nice; I've wanted to do something like that with my Dad for a long time, but haven't had the opportunity before now. I'll probably make it at least a yearly thing.
All is well, for the most part. I mentioned in my last post that Matt and I had hit a rough patch, but that has gotten better. We still have some things to work out, but that's life. That's what relationships are. I'll get sappy for a minute. I love him. He's a good man. The past several weeks have brought that into more immediate relief. He took me out to Fox and Hound a week or two ago. He might have bought me dinner, but I paid his bar tab, and bought him a cigar. We talk alot about traditional male/female roles in relationships. Last night, I made dinner and ran his dishwasher as he worked on his online class. He observed that he thought that women took on this traditional role because men take one more stressful jobs for the better pay; women tend to take on less stressful jobs because their emotional health is more valuable to them than a higher paycheck. He thought I was taking on a "traditional role" by making him dinner and washing his dishes to make him happy because he was stressed out. I told him the fact it made him happy was merely a side benefit. I was doing it because he was stressed out and busy, and cooking and cleaning for him was a way of caring for him. Same thing with the booze and cigar. He grieves like I do; with a moderate amount of alcohol. He isn't comfortable doing that in front of his Mom and sister, so it was my way of taking care of him.
I may not be cut out for my Grandmother's apron, but I do find some unorthodox ways of falling into a traditionally female role.