Life in General
It's been awhile since I've been on here to post, for a number of reasons. My rabbit chewed through my internet cable about a month or two ago, and I haven't replaced it. I've been using the highspeed at work and Matt's place to do what I need to do. Anyway, here's what you've missed.
No, I didn't get the job. I was pretty sure they were going to give it to Carla anyway. Bah. I've been told that a position as senior in my current job will be made available once they hire and train Carla's replacement, we'll see if that happens. This has been going on for months, and they don't have anyone to replace poor Carla yet.
I've been a member of eDiets since August. I got on the scale this morning, and am happy to report that I've lost 11 lbs. so far. Today, I put on a shirt that didn't fit a month ago, and pants that were tight. I like the diet, I don't feel deprived. I'm not hungry, and I get to eat tons of fruit. I've also been taking a pilates class, which I like alot. Things are good in this arena.
I'm getting closer to deciding to go back to school. I had decided that I wanted to become a Physician Assistant (similar to being a nurse practitioner). I'm still planning to meet with an academic counselor at Tri-C to get the ball rolling in the spring. So I was telling Tricia, my choir director, that I might not be around in the spring because of school (and the cost of being in the choir) , and she went on this tirade about how I needed to go into music. That I've got a rare gift, and would be wasting it. So she's going to try and hook me up with a teacher at BW to listen to me and give me a fair assessment of my voice and chances at becoming a successful professional. I have no interest in teaching; if I were to do the music thing, I'd get a degree in performance. Or just plain take lessons if that's what this woman says I need to do. But I'm still not convinced that it's something I really want to do. Yes, it would be really freakin' awesome to be Kate in Avenue Q, or, my dream role, Christine in Phantom. But I'm not a dancer. I'm not that great of an actor (which I know I can take classes for). If I had my way, I'd be a mezzo with the Cleveland Orchestra or Cleveland Opera, singing arias with orchestras. My teachers at Mount always used to try to get me to switch majors; my private voice teacher used to try and get me to be a performance major. But after years of having my hopes and dreams dashed and beaten by my parents, it was something that I shut off of my thoughts to. I worry that music would become work, and it would suck all the love out of it for me. Allen said to me last night, "Life is too short not to do what you love." My reply was "life is too short to be broke". I don't want to be a starving artist. I'd rather pursue my medical career and keep music as my favorite hobby. I was really upset on the phone with Matt about all of this last night, because doing the music thing would mean facing my own self-doubt. And there's also the old feeling of defying my parents. After all the "you'll never make it", "you're not good enough", "we won't help you with college if you do this - we're not paying $60,000 for you to be a waitress."
No, I didn't get the job. I was pretty sure they were going to give it to Carla anyway. Bah. I've been told that a position as senior in my current job will be made available once they hire and train Carla's replacement, we'll see if that happens. This has been going on for months, and they don't have anyone to replace poor Carla yet.
I've been a member of eDiets since August. I got on the scale this morning, and am happy to report that I've lost 11 lbs. so far. Today, I put on a shirt that didn't fit a month ago, and pants that were tight. I like the diet, I don't feel deprived. I'm not hungry, and I get to eat tons of fruit. I've also been taking a pilates class, which I like alot. Things are good in this arena.
I'm getting closer to deciding to go back to school. I had decided that I wanted to become a Physician Assistant (similar to being a nurse practitioner). I'm still planning to meet with an academic counselor at Tri-C to get the ball rolling in the spring. So I was telling Tricia, my choir director, that I might not be around in the spring because of school (and the cost of being in the choir) , and she went on this tirade about how I needed to go into music. That I've got a rare gift, and would be wasting it. So she's going to try and hook me up with a teacher at BW to listen to me and give me a fair assessment of my voice and chances at becoming a successful professional. I have no interest in teaching; if I were to do the music thing, I'd get a degree in performance. Or just plain take lessons if that's what this woman says I need to do. But I'm still not convinced that it's something I really want to do. Yes, it would be really freakin' awesome to be Kate in Avenue Q, or, my dream role, Christine in Phantom. But I'm not a dancer. I'm not that great of an actor (which I know I can take classes for). If I had my way, I'd be a mezzo with the Cleveland Orchestra or Cleveland Opera, singing arias with orchestras. My teachers at Mount always used to try to get me to switch majors; my private voice teacher used to try and get me to be a performance major. But after years of having my hopes and dreams dashed and beaten by my parents, it was something that I shut off of my thoughts to. I worry that music would become work, and it would suck all the love out of it for me. Allen said to me last night, "Life is too short not to do what you love." My reply was "life is too short to be broke". I don't want to be a starving artist. I'd rather pursue my medical career and keep music as my favorite hobby. I was really upset on the phone with Matt about all of this last night, because doing the music thing would mean facing my own self-doubt. And there's also the old feeling of defying my parents. After all the "you'll never make it", "you're not good enough", "we won't help you with college if you do this - we're not paying $60,000 for you to be a waitress."
posted by Becki | 12:56 PM
2 Comments:
I fully understand the music issue, and my parents (and just about everyone else) were just the opposite: everyone thought I should persue music. But like you say, I was afraid of it becoming a "job" and thus taking the fun out of it. I enjoy it now because I choose to do it; if I absolutely had to do it every day to make a living, I think that would be rough. And that's pretty much what has happened to me with graphic design, my current career path. I now loathe freelance projects because when I come home from work, I don't want to even think about page layout!
My beef with any artistic performance career is the job security, especially since I'm pretty much resigned to a life of bachelorhood and won't have a spouse to support me when I'm between gigs/shows/whatevers. Mind you, even in graphic design I'm still not with a company that has a retirement plan, but I aim to fix that as soon as possible. And I know Actors' Equity has various benefits available to their members.
But still, that lack of assurance knowing where your next meal is coming from is what always scared me off from even considering trying to make a living in music -- and like you, I don't want to teach. Maybe if I grew up in New York City where the underworld can meet the elite (42nd Street) I would feel differently. As it is, I have a Cleveland mentality about things.
Of course, I don't mean to discourage you. ;) Cleveland Opera Chorus would be awesome. But after hearing what Trish and Allen had to say last night, I thought I'd offer the other view too. It's really easy for others to say "oh you should persue X!" if they themselves don't have the ability to do so. It's easy to say, persue your dreams and pack your bags and leave your friends and family and take a risk and go be a star. What if I want to just get a regular job and live a standard American life and blend into the crowd? Hell, I'm still waiting to move out of my parents' house! As far as I'm concerned, my life has barely begun!
You've got one hell of a voice, Beck. When Dorsey picks you to sing on a CD, you know you're doing OK. That being said, I know some starving artists. They love their lives, but they are, at the end of each and every day, not sure where they will be working next, not sure who will be making the rent for the month, etc. It is a life that you must embrace in order to make it work. I love music, and I love stage management and directing, but I know I never had the talent to make a go of either for real.
You might. I think you should go out to BW and talk to somebody. Get as unbiased an opinion as you can. You have nothing to lose, as you already have a full time job. Noone will be breaking your heart; if the people at BW say, "Music should be your hobby," it already is. You're good and you love it, and it's something that you look forward to doing.
If the people at BW say, "Whoa, you're doing WHAT for 40 hours a week, and you're only in a choir for kicks?!?!" then you have a phenomenally exciting decision to make.
Also, I know I don't need to tell you this, but consider it an "older sister" type moment. Don't spend your years trying to be the person your parents want you to be. If uninterested professionals think you have the talent to be a musician, that decision to be a professional or an amateur is not one your parents (however wonderful they are) can make. They paid for you to go to college and you earned a degree that resulted in not waitressing. You're the one paying your way now, hon. Your parents want you to be happy and successful. What if you were, just doing something totally different from what you're doing now?
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