Life, or something like it...
Matt and I are all moved in together. Life has been so insane I barely know where to begin. Well, my company is finished in the hospitals, and I'm still working. Just not anywhere in the state. I've been shipped out to VA for the next 3 months to cover for someone out on maternity. I always thought that travelling for work would be really freakin' cool. Yeah, living out of a suitcase would be kinda annoying, but with my love for eating out, hotels, and flying, it'd be sweet! And people who travel for work get expense accounts, and nice fat paychecks. Makes sense, right? I mean, after all, your services are so valuable that they have to send you to different places. Well...
I get reimbursement checks, not an expense account. I am still making what I did back home. I'm lonely as fuck. Matt and I had an amazing night on my birthday. I miss him so much. I thought I was actually going to get to spend some time with him next week; I was under the impression I'd be working from home 1 more week before only coming home every other weekend. I was wrong. I get 2 more weekends at home, and then the constant travel starts. For 2 months. Freakin' disgusting. I had a little breakdown at work today because I'm so homesick. My mind just keeps drifting back to the serious conversation Matt and I had about what if we got married. And the fact that he told me the other day he thought about booking us a trip to Italy, but decided that with me being away all the time, maybe it should wait for a more auspicious occasion. So I'm getting a little girly dreaming of possibilities and how happy I think I'd be fighting with him for the rest of my life.
Along with missing my boyfriend, I miss my friends. Sara's moving right now, and I can't be there to help her. Everybody's birthday is in the next month, and I'll probably miss all of the parties. I emailed Mom about a job she's forwarded my resume to someone for, and said I was thinking of taking my severance package and running. Her reply: "probably a good idea, doesn't sound like [travelling is] much of a life/career." My travel plans are made for the next 3 weeks, though. So I'm going to stick it out, "man it up" as Matt would say, and see how it goes. If I think I can handle it, I'll hang on; if I can't, I'll tell 'em 'thanks, but no' and see myself to the unemployment lines. Unemployment would definitely suck, but at least I'd get to do it with good company.
But like I said in my last post, my big problem is that I like my job. I like the patients, getting to help people gain access to life's most fundamental necessities in today's society - income and healthcare. I like being challenged by the medical aspect of my work - makes me pine for the day I'll be able to trade in my suit for scrubs. I spent at least a half-hour today researching lymphedema, SVD (a tiny hole in your heart), and lymphedema pumps. I love the decision making process. I like that I know enough about my job that I can do it on my own. I love that I'm good enough at it that they want me to help train others to do it, too. It feels good to be the big fish in the pond.
But Mom has a point; what kind of life is this? I'm a professional success, but I'm miserable personally. I can't wait to go to work because I'll have contact with other people. It gives me something more constructive to do than sit in my hotel room and fight off the urge to overeat because I'm bored and lonely. I've lost almost 25 pounds, I'll be damned if I gain any of it back. I'm back to my college weight; I'm actually even lighter than I was my senior year. I miss cooking for myself. The hotel is a suite, so I have a 2 burner stovetop, microwave, and decent sized freezer/refridgerator, but no cutting boards, decent utensils, and fuck if I'm going to buy a can of cooking spray every week. So there goes my main hobby and creative outlet. I've discovered I sing in the car again because I need to do something expressive.
Blech...
I get reimbursement checks, not an expense account. I am still making what I did back home. I'm lonely as fuck. Matt and I had an amazing night on my birthday. I miss him so much. I thought I was actually going to get to spend some time with him next week; I was under the impression I'd be working from home 1 more week before only coming home every other weekend. I was wrong. I get 2 more weekends at home, and then the constant travel starts. For 2 months. Freakin' disgusting. I had a little breakdown at work today because I'm so homesick. My mind just keeps drifting back to the serious conversation Matt and I had about what if we got married. And the fact that he told me the other day he thought about booking us a trip to Italy, but decided that with me being away all the time, maybe it should wait for a more auspicious occasion. So I'm getting a little girly dreaming of possibilities and how happy I think I'd be fighting with him for the rest of my life.
Along with missing my boyfriend, I miss my friends. Sara's moving right now, and I can't be there to help her. Everybody's birthday is in the next month, and I'll probably miss all of the parties. I emailed Mom about a job she's forwarded my resume to someone for, and said I was thinking of taking my severance package and running. Her reply: "probably a good idea, doesn't sound like [travelling is] much of a life/career." My travel plans are made for the next 3 weeks, though. So I'm going to stick it out, "man it up" as Matt would say, and see how it goes. If I think I can handle it, I'll hang on; if I can't, I'll tell 'em 'thanks, but no' and see myself to the unemployment lines. Unemployment would definitely suck, but at least I'd get to do it with good company.
But like I said in my last post, my big problem is that I like my job. I like the patients, getting to help people gain access to life's most fundamental necessities in today's society - income and healthcare. I like being challenged by the medical aspect of my work - makes me pine for the day I'll be able to trade in my suit for scrubs. I spent at least a half-hour today researching lymphedema, SVD (a tiny hole in your heart), and lymphedema pumps. I love the decision making process. I like that I know enough about my job that I can do it on my own. I love that I'm good enough at it that they want me to help train others to do it, too. It feels good to be the big fish in the pond.
But Mom has a point; what kind of life is this? I'm a professional success, but I'm miserable personally. I can't wait to go to work because I'll have contact with other people. It gives me something more constructive to do than sit in my hotel room and fight off the urge to overeat because I'm bored and lonely. I've lost almost 25 pounds, I'll be damned if I gain any of it back. I'm back to my college weight; I'm actually even lighter than I was my senior year. I miss cooking for myself. The hotel is a suite, so I have a 2 burner stovetop, microwave, and decent sized freezer/refridgerator, but no cutting boards, decent utensils, and fuck if I'm going to buy a can of cooking spray every week. So there goes my main hobby and creative outlet. I've discovered I sing in the car again because I need to do something expressive.
Blech...
posted by Becki | 8:43 PM
1 Comments:
Blech blach bleearg. I'm not sure what to say, other than maybe talk with Allen, since he has rather extensive experience with business travel and is looking to get back into it now that Ryle is graduating. Ask him how he deals with the meals, extended time away from the spouse, etc. It's probably tougher since you and Matt are newlycohabitants, but I think Allen has experience in that area too.
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